Two and a Half Men

Season 122003

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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24 Episodes

E01 Pilot

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

September 22, 2003

E02 Big Flappy Bastards

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

September 29, 2003

E03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

October 5, 2003

E04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

October 12, 2003

E05 The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

October 19, 2003

E06 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

October 26, 2003

E07 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

November 2, 2003

E08 Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

November 9, 2003

E09 Phase One, Complete

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

November 15, 2003

E10 Merry Thanksgiving

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

November 23, 2003

E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

December 14, 2003

E12 Camel Filters and Pheromones

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

January 4, 2004

E13 Sarah Like Puny Alan

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

January 10, 2004

E14 I Can't Afford Hyenas

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

February 1, 2004

E15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

February 8, 2004

E16 That Was Saliva, Alan

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

February 15, 2004

E17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

February 22, 2004

E18 An Old Flame with a New Wick

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

February 29, 2004

E19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

March 21, 2004

E20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

April 18, 2004

E21 No Sniffing, No Wowing

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

May 2, 2004

E22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

May 9, 2004

E23 Just Like Buffalo

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

May 16, 2004

E24 Can You Feel My Finger?

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

May 23, 2004

Two and a Half Men

E01 Pilot

E02 Big Flappy Bastards

E03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

E04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

E05 The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

E06 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

E07 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

E08 Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

E09 Phase One, Complete

E10 Merry Thanksgiving

E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

E12 Camel Filters and Pheromones

E13 Sarah Like Puny Alan

E14 I Can't Afford Hyenas

E15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

E16 That Was Saliva, Alan

E17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

E18 An Old Flame with a New Wick

E19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

E20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

E21 No Sniffing, No Wowing

E22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

E23 Just Like Buffalo

E24 Can You Feel My Finger?

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E01 Pilot

E02 Big Flappy Bastards

E03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

E04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

E05 The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

E06 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

E07 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

E08 Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

E09 Phase One, Complete

E10 Merry Thanksgiving

E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

E12 Camel Filters and Pheromones

E13 Sarah Like Puny Alan

E14 I Can't Afford Hyenas

E15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

E16 That Was Saliva, Alan

E17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

E18 An Old Flame with a New Wick

E19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

E20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

E21 No Sniffing, No Wowing

E22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

E23 Just Like Buffalo

E24 Can You Feel My Finger?